Good News

I had my appointment with my oncologist yesterday to go over my blood work ahead of beginning the second cycle on Monday. Now before I began chemotherapy my Beta Protein Marker was at 293. After 6 treatments is has been reduced to 45. Closer to the target of 0. 

New Year is looking good.

Livestrong!

Chemo - Day 7 and What I really got for Christmas

When Santa Clause visited our place on Saturday  morning I wasn't quite sure what he had left for me. Now throughout the duration of the year I have been good, relatively speaking of course, so I was hoping that he would surprise me with some gadget or another. After undergoing surgery to have my testicle removed, learning that I have cancer, becoming sterile and enduring chemo and the side effects; weight gain, insomnia and lethargy notwithstanding, an electronic tech toy would surely cheer me up. An iPad, MacBook or come to think of it anything Apple would suffice. So you can imagine my impatience when i awoke on Christmas morning and furiously ran down the stairs to see what the big man had left under the tree for me. Well I looked under that tree and I couldn't find anything with my name on it. There were gifts for Marcus, Aidan, Janice, Grandma and Grandpa, Aunts and Uncles. But absolutely nothing for Tom. I was confused, perplexed even. Surely there must have been a mistake. A mix up at the sorting office. May be it fell off the sleigh. What to do?

I continued on with the morning, making a huge fried breakfast and large pot of coffee. Not necessarily good for the cancer but great for the Scottish soul. It is hard to be sad when there is square sausage on the go. I watched everyone else open their presents and lived vicariously through them for a while, breathing in their excitement and enthusiasm for Christmas morning. After a while nature was calling so I made the move upstairs. Once in the washroom I looked into the mirror. There it was. There was my Christmas present. Everyone else had seen it and now I was the last. Hair loss. The fat bastard brought hair loss to my Christmas party.

I have had a sort of Samson-esque relationship with my hair throughout my life and has been around shoulder length for the better part of the last 20 years although it has been diminishing in thickness and volume for the last couple of years. Now as you can see I am not exactly bald but it was coming out in clumps and has been thinning increasingly for the last few days but I fear the time has come to take control of the situation. I am going to shave my head. Never done it before and quite frankly I am a bit scared. Scared of the unknown. Scared of change. Scared of my head resembling my ass and people not being able to tell the difference. However it has to be done.

Well here it is. Here is my bald head and you know what, it's not so bad.

While looking into the mirror tonight I discovered a present that Father Christmas left that I hadn't seen on Saturday. Courage. He left me the courage to face my fears head on and deal with them. Strength and courage are the two ever present qualities that I have had to depend upon to deal with my illness. I never knew I had either in such quantities. Strength, unlike Samson, I can draw from others. From the support and well wishes from my family, friends and colleagues. Courage actually requires me to execute an act that ultimately if it were not for the former I'd be unable to pull off.

That is probably the best present I have ever received.

For the record though, next year instead of milk and cookies I think I'll leave out some single malt. St Nick has a twisted sense of humor and can be a total prick.

7 down 14 to go

Livestrong!

Merry Christmas

Its been about 2 months since I was diagnosed with cancer. It has been the best and the worst 2 months of my life. I have mentioned it before that although this was not in my plan I am grateful for this experience. My cancer and chemo treatments are a reminder that I am very much alive. So on this very special day I would like to thank my family and friends for their continued love and support as I continue on my journey to wellness.

A Very Merry Christmas to you all.

Livestrong!

Chemo - Day 5 ,6 and the End of The First Week

Wow!! What a week.

Friday's treatment went well and got home early in the afternoon to relax a bit before my next door neighbours Christmas party. Managed 2 glasses of wine with copious amounts of water in between before deciding it was time to crash at 10:30p.m. Slept really well for the first time in 5 days. Energy levels picked up over the weekend and by the time Sunday rolled around I felt fit enough to go for brunch.

So my only treatment this week is this afternoon and that will be me off the steroids till my treatment next week. I have a feeling my immune system may take a bit of a dive over the next couple of days so I should stay safe and close to home.

At the party the were only may be a dozen of us or so and my neighbours had already filled the other guests in with my particular issue. So the questions began and I answered them as best I could, never remembering a time, place or situation where cancer was spoken about so openly. So candidly. After a little while Joanne (my apologies if the spelling is wrong) came up and wrapped her arms around me and explained how she is a Breast cancer survivor for over 10 years and wished me well. Its hard to describe the emotion. I'm in a club that I never requested membership yet honored and humbled to be a part of. In a way I am glad of this experience. Of all life lessons taught to me this one is probably the most important one of all.

Thanks to everyone for their well wishes and support. It truly means a lot.

6 down 15 to go.

Livestrong!

Chemo - Day 3, 4 and the 911 Call!

Well day three started off much the same as the last two days. Woke up incredibly tired but not nauseas. I had the 10:30am appointment so starting off a little bit later but time goes by fairly quickly. As long as the nurses can get the prescription from the pharmacy in a timely manner the actual IV only takes about an hour and a half.
Received a pleasant surprise when a good friend and collegue, Chris K, showed up to visit for a while. It had been about a year since we met so it was really good to catch up.

They seem to be concerned with my blood pressure. So far this week I have been in the 150/110 neighborhood which puts my in the hypertension catagory. However this can be one of the side effects of the drugs I am on. They suggested I go to my GP to have it checked out.
My GP said it has been normal for the last few years but loaned me a blood pressure monitor to check it at home and to call him Monday with the results. I may need blood pressure meds on top of everything else. Oh well just need to do what needs to be done.

I did go for a few pints last night though. Well an extral large tea which was the size of a pint and about 4 pints of water. It was good to get out but I did feel very lethargic afterwards.

Day 4 ended up a bit more of an interesting day. Woke up again feeling like shit due to an incredible lack of sleep. Checked my blood pressure in the morning and it was still high. Chemo went without a hitch as has been the case thankfully all week. Afterward I ended up having to take the street car home which wasn't an inconvenience at all, however, I began to feel a tightness in my chest. No pain just a shortness of breath. Now I wasn't particularly concerned. However, due to the amount of literature given to me by the hospital I did remember seeing this symptom listed as a side effect pertaining to one of the medications. Once home I dug out the information sheet and perused. Under the "What you should do?" section it said to "Call your doctor", and so I did.
Marsha, my nurse, returned my call a few minutes later and asked a few questions relating to the discomfort and suggested that to be on the safe side I should call 911 and get checked out at the hospital. Within minutes a Fire Truck arrives at my door and sits me down, applies the oxygen mask and repeats to ask the questions I have already answered twice before. Moments later the Ambulance arrives and I am whisked off to Toronto General.

Long story short, 6 hours later I am released with a clean bill of health. After a couple of ECG's and blood work they determined that my heart was just fine and determined that the situation was caused by the medication.

Back in the hospital in 10 hours for my final treatment of the week.

This is more of an expedition that a freaking journey!

4 down 17 to go.

Livestrong!

Chemo - Day 2

Well woke up this morning at 4:30 am after falling asleep at around midnight. Insomnia being one of the side effects seems to have started already. At least it is better than feeling nauseous, which with all the medication, that seems to be holding at bay.
Chemo was again pretty straight forward with no ill feelings as of yet. It went by faster than yesterday and I was out within a couple of hours. Just experiencing a lot of fatigue right now which I expect to worsen as the week progresses.
No, the bad news that I received today was that I am sterile. My deposit at the bank was indeed worthless. As if going through this was not enough but to be emasculated at 41, well its quite the bitter pill.

Don't get me wrong I wasn't planning on having more kids. I have three lovely boys that I call my own and love with all of my heart; Ryan, Aidan and Marcus. However I always wanted a child from birth which sadly is not to be. The chances that I will be able to reproduce in the future are "unlikely."

I say this not to generate empathy or compassion for myself but to stress the importance of regular checkups and examinations. In a man's lifetime the risk of Testicular Cancer is approx. 1 in 250 (0.4%) and is one of the most curable at over 90%, but what is the cost of infertility?

Two down, 19 more to go.

Livestrong!

Chemo - Day 1

I was expectedly nervous this morning and got up early to drink some orange juice. With my stomach in such a flux, this was probably not the best idea I have had in recent weeks as it projectiled out and mostly into the toilet not 5 minutes later. I have 7 pills to take in the morning mostly for nausea and vomiting. Thing is I have to take them with food. So therein lies the conundrum.  How do I eat and not throw up when feeling nauseous and trying to take medications to prevent being sick? Answers on a post card please.

Upon arrival at the hospital I checked in at the Chemo Daycare and waited for about half an hour before being taken into the room. I was made comfortable with an actual bed and a couple of warm blankets before being hooked up to the IV. The delivery of the medication was unremarkable with no side effects at the time of transfer. It was a nine o'clock appointment and I was out of there around 12:30 p.m. So as far as my first impressions go, it couldn't have been better. Well it could have been but then the nurses would have been scantily clad and there would be a big pile of blow in the corner. Only kidding!!

Feeling a little bit of a headache but nothing too bad as of yet. I have to watch out for certain side effects, the big one being a fever. If my temperature goes to 38 Celsius I am to go straight to Emergency. Another one being that I may bruise and bleed easier due to my platelets being low. Certain people will have to stop kicking my ass!! You know who you are!!

Thanks again to everyone for all their support with a special shout out to my wife Janice who doesn't seem to get enough acknowledgement.

Day 1 down. Only 20 more to go.

I can do this. I will do this!!

Livestrong!!

The Day Before Treatment

Twas the day before treatment and all through the house, nothing was stirring not even a mouse!!

Well not quite that quiet. I find Sunday's to be particularly somber days and with the bleak weather we are experiencing today it is leaving me with a feeling of foreboding.

Had more blood work on Friday and picked up my prescriptions. I have medications to deal with appetite loss, nausea and heartburn. My appointments this week are every day at 9 a.m. Monday Tuesday and Thursday, 10:30 am on Wednesday and 8:30 on Friday as I have to get blood work done in the morning before the chemo begins. By all accounts I will be well and truly knackered by the end of the week. The following two weeks I will only have have chemo on the Tuesday starting at 1:30 p.m.. So just as my energy levels begin to increase I will be leading in to a new cycle with chemo everyday again.

Am I scared? Damn straight I'm scared. The idea of being fat, bald constipated, nauseous and an insomniac are not that appealing to me, even though I may have a few of those conditions checked off already. I know that I will prevail though so it is just a matter of being sick and sucking it up.

With all that has gone on in the last few weeks I have experienced a level of clarity, a new perspective if you will as to what is important in my life. To that I would like to apologise to anyone whom I may have hurt, upset or been rude to. I feel that I should clear the air and enter into the next nine weeks with a clear conscience. I certainly don't want to come out of this with any grudges or ill feeling hanging over my head.

Not much left to say. I will keep you updated as to how I progress throughout the week.

Livestrong!

The Bank Job

First off, I would like to thank everyone for their words of encouragement and support yesterday. I am committed to writing this blog in an as open and honest context as possible in order to document my journey. So there will be days when I let my fears get the better of me. Thank you for indulging me and giving me the strength to carry on.

At my appointment last week I was advised to make a deposit at the bank. I was curious so I asked the nurse to explain. Apparently after treatment there is a possibility that I may end up broke. So they encouraged me to go to the bank today and deposit some funds. They will check the funds and ensure that my currency is of legal tender and if need be, let me know if another deposit will be required. This way in years to come, if I find myself in need of assistance, I will have investments put aside. I guess you could consider it a bailout.
I just hope there is not another credit crunch. That sounds painful.

Livestrong!

Can't Sleep.

Its 5:30 am and I cant sleep. The news of Mark Dailey's passing has hit home hard. As I said before, I never knew the man, but he had an iconic presence in this city. It worries me that if a local celebrity can fall victim to this terrible affliction, what chance do the rest of us have? I realise that every case is unique but it's difficult to stay positive 100% of the time. I feel that this may be Karma's way of kicking me in the ass and it scares the shit out of me.

I will get through this, I know I will. Just a day at a time.


Livestrong!

Mark Dailey - RIP

For those of us here in Toronto, this man needs no introduction. For the rest of you he was the voice of the local television station CityTV and a CityNews reporter and anchorman for the last 30 years. You would be hard pressed to find anyone in this city who did not know who he was or recognize his unmistakeable voice. After surviving prostate cancer he was diagnosed with kidney cancer in September to which he succumbed to today.


In my native Scotland cancer is so feared, they dare not say its name. Preferring instead to whisper, mouth it or call it by its nickname; "The Big C!"

We fear this disease because everyone of us knows of someone, be they family, friend or loved one who has been touched by this illness. It is the enemy within. So why keep it a secret? There is nothing to be ashamed about. Cancer cares not of your sex, colour, creed, religion or ethnicity. Cancer kills!

In what other war (and be sure this is a war) do we whisper the enemies name? In what other war do the soldiers fear fighting for the cause?

Every hour of every day, about 20 people will be diagnosed with cancer and eight people will die from cancer across Canada. Of the newly diagnosed cases, about one-half will be lung, colorectal, prostate and breast cancers. 

Kidney cancer, particularly renal cell carcinoma, is increasing in the Canadian population. However, people diagnosed with this disease have a fair prognosis and survival appears to be improving. Prevention programs focused on obesity and smoking could make substantial progress in fighting kidney cancer, given the strong association between these risk factors and this disease. 

This is why screening is so important. Some tests can help prevent cancer by finding changes in your body that might have otherwise become cancer if the were left untreated. Prostate cancer can be detected early using a PSA test and and digital rectal exam. 

I never knew Mark personally. I had never even met him. But he was in my house every night and he will be missed.

Be aware.

Get tested.

Livestrong!

Princess Margaret Hospital - The Initial Visit

Walking into any hospital can be extremely stressful. Lots of people bustling around and in various states of disrepair. Healthcare staff overworked, underpaid and for some, seem to have lost that human touch. Your an object to be left alone in one waiting room or another. Forgotten or overlooked. No longer a human being with feelings and emotions already scared as to the reason your there in the first place.........

Well that was definitely not the case with the Princess Margaret Hospital in Toronto. I was taken in, height and weight measured. Surprisingly I was lighter and taller than I thought I was when I went in. Seriously!! Nurses were courteous and respectful but they actually seemed to care. They seemed to care! Sounds crazy but I have never had that experience in a hospital before. It felt like service I was paying privately for. PMH is one of the leading cancer care hospitals in the world. It definitely shows. If you know of someone who is fighting cancer, make sure you get them here. The environment itself will do them the world of good.

Onto the prognosis:
If you have to have cancer, Testicular Cancer is the one you want to have.
I am apparently a Good Risk with a high 90 percentile that I will be cured. To put it in perspective, Lance Armstrong was a Poor Risk and he survived.
I will endure 3 cycles (9 weeks) of chemo. Everyday Monday to Friday for the first week and once a week for the second and third week. In the event that is not enough, surgery would be the next step. A lymph node dissection. That, however, is a last resort and is not worth going into detail at this time.  Its not going to be easy, but its a small price to pay in order to live my life to its fullest.

On my way home from the appointment yesterday I felt such a sense of relief. For the first time in weeks I actually knew what was going on. A weight lifted from my shoulders. Christmas may not be so bad after all.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. And in my case, it may only be 9 weeks away.

Stay true to yourself.

Be strong.

Livestrong!

The Power of a Positive Attitude

Attitude is certainly something that, having been raised in Scotland, I have never been lacking in, albeit usually in the form of bad and superfluous. However harnessing the power of a positive attitude is apparently the key to beating this disease. It's not an entirely foreign concept to me either. In the past I have been asked the question; “…is the glass half full or half empty?” To which I have replied; “If there is only half in there, add more beer!” Seriously though, staying positive throughout this process is what will keep me sane. No good will come of worrying over things to which I have no control.
My best friend’s mother survived a similar battle with cancer a few years ago and swears by staying positive and having faith. The support shown to me in one day on Facebook definitely helps and lets me know that I don’t have to go it alone. It’s that positive energy and support that will strengthen my resolve to overcome this cancer. And it’s already begun;

I received a call from my Doctor late yesterday afternoon advising me of an appointment to an oncologist at Princess Margaret Hospital tomorrow, Friday December 3^rd. So that was pretty quick. Hopefully it is a sign of even better things to come.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

Livestrong!!

Chemo for Christmas?

Well its official. I have cancer. 3 words I never in my life thought I would say. Embryonal Carcinoma to be exact. Now waiting on a referral to Princess Margaret Hospital in Toronto to see an oncologist. According to my CT scan it would appear that lymph nodes behind my abdomen are enlarged and this will require chemotherapy treatment.

I am starting this blog as a way to help me deal with what I am going through. An open diary if you will. Hopefully it may serve to provide support and encouragement to others enduring a similar journey. Please feel free to throw your 2 cents in as dialogue is important.

Will update with more details as they become available. In the mean time hug the person next to you.

Tom